As I covered last month, I love men. Keep being awesome, guys. Nevertheless, much as I enjoy the viewpoints of my male friends, I will never cease to give them a hard time about one specific issue: when they don't know whether something is a date.
If you don't know whether something is a date, that means that you have chosen to leave it vague or subject to interpretation. In some way, however minor, you have failed to state your intentions clearly and you're going into this "one-on-one meeting" without a game plan.
I like game plans. Most women, in fact, appreciate decisiveness and forethought in men. A feminine woman will not do the work for you in defining the situation--and why should she? If she means enough to you, you will step up and make something happen, date-wise. The longer you don't, the more she will assume you're not really that interested and move on.
Here are some rules of thumb about asking a girl out on a date: you should ask three to four days in advance, you should ask either in person or on the phone, and you should have a specific plan in mind. When it comes to wording, you should be clear and direct. Though it seems obvious enough that it's a date when you say something like, "I'd like to take you out for dinner," on the other hand you lose nothing by saying something like the following: "I'd like to take you out on a date. Are you free for dinner on Saturday?" This wording leaves no ambiguity.
I would like to say a word about rejection. Yes, if you ask for dates as straightforwardly as I outline, you risk receiving a "no" in response. So what? I believe in you, and I believe that a "no," particularly for a first date, is not going to crush your masculine psyche. It's not going to feel great, sure, but ultimately it's a calculated risk. If you take no risks in life, you will reap no rewards.
This post is perhaps one of the most obvious posts I have ever written, but it needed to be said--not just because it benefits me, but because it benefits all single men and women. There is enough ambiguity in life without extending it to the dating realm. Let's be clear with each other.
Hey, one one else is singi-- I mean commenting, here.
ReplyDeleteBeing clear is definitely good for the soul. Sometimes, however, it doesn't work! I've asked a girl to dinner before and I meant a date and later I inferred she did not take it that way. Then I upped my game; I asked a girl out on a date, by saying, Do you want to go out on a date, and do Y? But again, a time or two this happened and later I gathered the girl did not think it an actual date. So I upped my game again! I was very clear in asking on a date, and referred to it again as a date to make sure it wasn't somehow missed, and even in conversation the girl repeated back to me about the date we were going on, etc. Only, in the end, I was able to figure out she didn't think of it as an actual date.
So then I became a priest. JK, not really.
Sounds like a personal problem to me!
ReplyDelete