Why Do I Want You?

Why do I want food, or water, or a warm coat in winter?
Why do I smile at a sunny day?
Why, even when we quarrel, is there a lightness in my heart,
A hope, that even in the darkest times
All will be well?

Why do my usual ways of changing,
Hedging, and taming my thought patterns
Never work with you?
You are always in my thoughts;
I am hemmed in and never alone.

Why do I laugh at your jokes,
A laugh that I cannot restrain,
Even if I try to restrain it, even if
My heart is broken and hurting?

Why, then, is just a question,
Without a resolution, an explanation,
A satisfactory conclusion, tying
Together all points of the plot.

Idiot

Right now I feel like an idiot.

I'm the Same

I stumbled across my blog from over ten years ago, and though it was definitely the work of a teenager, it surprised me how much I am the same person now as I was then.  It was sad to read the bits about my family, so unbroken at that point.  It was funny to read the weird, personal details I had chosen to share about myself.  It's still me, though.  I've grown up (gotten prettier, I think, and grown intellectually as well as emotionally and spiritually), but the basic material is the same.