Jewelry

A sanguine surrounded by melancholics, I alone among them have a short memory for the stings and pangs of life experiences. I hope I learn from them (and I hope I am learning from them), but I have to say with honesty that not a whole lot remains with me from past relationships. Already a face I never see has faded from my mind--not that I won't recognize it when I see it next, but it cannot haunt my dreams due to its being shoved behind other faces I see more frequently--a voice, a touch, a smell. I can observe the obliteration of these remembrances almost as it occurs. Nevertheless, one thing always stays with me from my old boyfriends: the jewelry they gave me. Trinkets! Artifacts! I keep what I like of them, and wear them now and then.

Top Ten Post-Breakup Activites

Our time is precious. There's always the feeling after a relationship self-destructs and explodes into smithereens that the time invested was a waste. It wasn't. On the other hand, being newly single (in the most singly single sense) gives you a lot of time to pursue, enjoy, and seize some of the aspects of life you may have been shuffling to the background. So, in reverse order, here is my list of things to do with the increase of free time:

10. Get a Cold. You might not think it, but perhaps in the stress of relationship your body has been withstanding that latest airborne virus. The new relaxation of the single state is the perfect time to acquire the symptoms: itchy throat, runny nose, headache. Don't run for the over-the-counter medication, either. Relish the opportunity to nurse yourself back to health with fresh garlic, hot soups and teas, and fruit juices.

9. Blog Again. Let's face it, if things are going well there's no need to blog. We all know that. However, now your life is a rich melange of interesting and multi-textured elements. It's the perfect time to send your once-again complex aroma out into cyberspace.

8. Spiritual Reading. I know this one should go higher on the list, but perhaps you've already got your Rosary and Scriptural meditation to worry about--now is the perfect time to bolster that or whatever other spiritual practices you have with some words of encouragement. Pick a book with a positive message, no need to emphasize humility at this time!! For my birthday last week, I received Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Jacques Philippe; it's great so far.

7. Go Out to Eat. Especially in the days right after my break up, I felt a great desire to be pampered and not to cook. So I didn't. Of course, you don't want to take the take-out to extremes--just a few fun lunches should do the trick.

6. Chat with Friends. This item dovetails nicely with the previous: have dinner with a good friend or friends. Discuss your woes in vivid detail and listen to the advice from those older and wiser. I can't overestimate how important friends are.

5. Wear Pretty Clothes. You might not have the motivation to fix your hair or put on makeup (though if you do that's great), yet pretty and flattering clothes are only a closet-hop away! Put on something colorful and cheery. Make the most of the season's iconic colors, patterns, and textures--bundle up if it is fall or winter in your favorite coat or jacket. Dress your look up with fun scarves and accessories too! It's very cathartic, and the compliments you'll get on your outfit are a fun perk too.

4. Take Care of Others. By far the best way to forget your troubles is to engross yourself in another's cares and concerns, which are likely much worse than your own. It's handy to have one of your friends break a bone or become ill--you can then look after her to your heart's content!

3. Clean Your Room. You had no time before. You do now.

2. Rediscover Your Passion. Don't force this one, but there must be something in your life that motivates you and keeps you going and you will need to find it sooner or later. Gently urge yourself back to the thing you've been secretly, or not so secretly, wanting for a while. Make plans. Get your life in an order that supports that desire.

1. Pray. Always.

Twenty-Five

I could die tomorrow. I could have died yesterday. I am grateful for today!

Oh Wow, I Have a Blog

I really had forgotten about this thing! No wonder I have become grumpy and out-of-sorts off and on lately--I have not used this lovely green online space to spew my most random thoughts and emotions. Well then.

Once a Month

I go nuts. Do not be alarmed.

Social Haze

An interesting effect is going to a first big event with your boyfriend. At last night's Theology on Tap, I saw so many people I knew but I couldn't seem to make the effort to get up and say hi to any of them. I didn't even want to try, actually, because Stephen's arm was around my waist and we were talking animatedly with one of his friends about liturgical music. Everyone else seemed kind of hazy, too! There went Mary Beth, oh I see Meghan over there, Jaclyn and Maria were at the table near us . . . but I am happy here.

Favorite Person

I am feeling like my favorite person right now is my boyfriend. It almost seems traitorous to say it, because I have so many good girlfriends with whom I've spent such a very long time building up relationships, that it makes no sense for this guy whom I've known a few months to come and trump them all! But he does. The things I don't know about him are at least as fascinating as all the things I do know. He's brilliant, for one thing, and sees things much more expansively than I do. I work mainly by rules, whereas he has this positive intellectual intuition that, I must admit, blows my mind a wee bit. Besides that, he's so very kind to others and generous with his time and resources. He's this big, tall, strong guy--yet so, so gentle, and not just with me. I can't believe, in a way, he wants to date me: it's super good luck on my part!! I'll take it, though! :D

Boyfriend!

You guys, this is amazing, I have a boyfriend! And he is really great! That is all.

Legs

I just noticed something really cool about my legs: they are mostly muscle! I tried jiggling them, and they jiggled in a muscly way, rather than a fat way. (I don't want to get too graphic here.) Whatever other imperfections they have, these legs of mine are well on their way to being good strong legs for doing Whatever I Want to Do. More on this hereafter. As a final thought, this discovery of the muscularity of my legs greatly consoles me for the fact that, despite my attempts at exercise, my scale has not moved off of 135 in ages--maybe that's a good thing because, even though I may weigh the same, I've got more muscle now, and not fat!

Mi chiamano Mimi

I love listening to opera, even though I don't understand all the words. It's filled with such emotion and power. On the other hand, I sometimes have trouble experiencing real life the same way. I feel it needs to be defined by words. I especially feel this way most when it's something I'm scared of, something uncontrolled, something like love. They sing of love, in Italian, French, German, all of these unknown languages to me--why can't I interpret it in the language of life?

Ordered

Last night Emily and I sat on one of her expansive sofas and admired her one-week-old son. It was very ordered--two women admiring the virtues of one (very tiny) man. He smelled lovely!

White and Crusty

Though this blog houses my deepest, most random--and yet terse--thoughts, it also serves as a handy catalogue of things that happen to my clothes. Today, for example, I just discovered a white and crusty thing stuck to my blue linen skirt. Even though I'm wearing white for my top, I still considered that this speck belonged not to the fullness of my ensemble! I removed it. I think it must have been a dried blob of the yogurt I ate for breakfast.

For Realz

Ok, this is what I really think on the subject of work: I do not like work. I do not like it now, because I am lazy and because I don't find my job fulfilling. I am striving to overcome the first reason but I don't think I can do the same with the second. I would rather be doing something else: singing! So here is what I think. I think I can and should try to do what makes me happy and what I'm attracted to, in the area of work/career, as much as I can. Even the striving makes me happier and better. On the other hand, I also think that if I do get married I will marry a man who will be well able to provide for me and I will not need to work. Thus, I will not work. I don't even think I would sing for money. Actually, I especially would not do that because the fame would certainly go to my head. I would need my head, and my heart, to give to my husband. In the end analysis, therefore, I get the best of both worlds! I get to have fun while I am single, and not spend time being miserable, and then when (God willing) I get married, I get to love and have many babies. I could be entirely mistaken about this course for my life--the asterisk involved is always and at every moment God's will--but for the present I will use this current image as my pattern and guide. I am Woman . . . hear me laugh!

Being Sad

Being sad may not be a waste of time, but it certainly is a waste of energy!

Helplessness

We all live in helplessness and utter dependency, and I usually don't let it get me down. The keen edge of it comes, not when you realize that you can't control or determine events in your own life, but when you see this same contingency play out in the lives of those you love. I want so much to fix it for them, to make it come out right, (to be God). I don't want them to have to worry or struggle or hurt through it: and I can't preach patience that I don't have, for situations much harder than my own. That is helplessness.

How will I know you're a good person if you don't give me any cheese?

Here is a story about cheese: Once upon a time, a girl got snowed in. She was snowed in with her best friends, and they had a fantastic time. Well, they had a time, anyway. They shoveled snow, some more than others. They watched many movies, maybe a bajillion. The girl stayed up too late, due to ennui. This went on for a lot of days, like three, until finally the girls had to go to the store. The girl (the main one, the one this story is about) was not as terrified to drive as many had feared; in fact, she drove very well, though she felt dizzy at the end. "Cheese," thought the girl, as she drove. "I need cheese!" When she finally got to the store, she followed her impulse to the full--the cheese was on sale! She got muenster cheese, colby cheese, swiss cheese, mozzarella cheese, and two kinds of cheddar! She was so happy. Then the girls went home to enjoy their groceries and get snowed in for two more days. The End.

Snow

There is just too much snow. I don't know what else to say. It's obviously futile to complain! Things just seems so off-balance with all this slippery stuff on the roads and nowhere to go anyway. :)

Laughing at Me

Laughing at me does not mean you have a sense of humor! It means I have a sense of humor. My laughing at you means you have one too.

Pursuit

If a single young woman is not being pursued by anyone, then perhaps she should pursue her dream!

Boundaries

Sometimes I recognize the need for emotional boundaries: an eight-foot-tall electrical fence would be good!

Make It Happen

The man with whom I fall in love will definitely have to be someone who can make things happen. At my best, most positive moments, I just want to embrace all the good there can be in life (yes, mostly good things for myself, but also good things with and for others)! After all, why hesitate? God sends all good gifts our way for us to accept and therefore take delight in His mercy. There will always be time for prayer. I want to do things!

A Mini-Feeling

I have felt this way before. I remember this feeling, only this time it's a smaller feeling than it was the other times. Though it appears still to affect the pit of my stomach, I have plenty of wind in my sails. It's funny how feelings vary in intensity, or degree, though they are the same in kind. The tears are behind my eyes, not in them. The smile remains on my face. Still, I feel it.

In My Hair

I found something in my hair just now. I didn't know what it was. It was small and somewhat sticky. It could have been a small number of things, none of them particularly pleasant, but the most benign option is that it was a drop of hardened peach jalapeno jam. I really don't know. I took it out.

Simile

It was tough to swallow, like a piece of Swiss cheese which you've melted in the microwave but which has since partially cooled and congealed.