Feminism, Femininity, and the Chapel Veil

In her recent speech on "feminism," Emma Watson noted that it has become something of a dirty or "uncomfortable" word, both to women and to men.  I recall Sheryl Sandberg making a similar point towards the beginning of Lean In.  Why might it be that women hesitate to identify themselves as feminists?

It can't be simply the angry, militant, "man-hating" feminists of times past tarnishing the image of feminism in the modern world: today's millennials weren't alive to witness 1970s feminism and the current culture is notoriously history-deaf.  Instead, the problem lies with the aims of feminism--not radical feminism but ordinary, everyday feminism--itself.

Watson proclaims in her speech that all feminism strives for is equality.  We must believe, in order to be good feminists, that absolute equality between men and women is possible.  Yet, though no one with a sane mind questions that men and women are both human persons with equal dignity, it's just as obvious that men and women are not exactly the same.  One reason many are unwilling to march under the banner of feminism is that the idea of eradicating all gender differences is not seen as plausible, much less desirable.

One other problem with feminism I see is that it gives women complete control over the sphere termed "reproductive rights."  If, in fact, an unborn child were an integral part of a woman's body, this control would make sense--no one other than a woman herself should be able to dispose of or affect her body in any way. Indeed, her body, the body of a woman, should be seen as sacred and treated with reverence, never violence.  

Nevertheless, a child, no matter how nascent, is not part of a woman's body and does not fall under her "right to choose." This child has both a mother and a father, who are both responsible for its care and well-being; even if the father chooses to abdicate his responsibility, the child does not thereby become the sole "property" of the mother, for a human person cannot be property at all.  That any human person cannot be property seems inherent in the foundations of feminism, yet unfortunately the axiom is ignored in practice and in the common aims of the feminist movement.

On the other hand, while "feminism" might be seen as unattractive, the word "femininity" is often seen as oppressive.  In fact, in certain communities, a warped and "cookie-cutter" idea of femininity can develop, such that any girl or woman who falls outside the mold feels a great sense of alienation and even ostracization.  In its best sense, however, femininity is a concept that embraces the unique gifts that women have to offer, without placing limitations on their achievements.  Femininity ought to be the healthy counterpart to feminism, not seeking to eliminate all differences between the sexes but rather embracing these differences wherever and whenever they pertain; femininity is the movement that allows a woman to feel happy simply being a woman, rather than seeking happiness in a self-concept that allows for no difference between men and women.

How does the chapel veil come into this discussion?  Veiling relates directly to femininity, to the idea that a woman is special and set-apart, and to the idea of reverence.  As a tradition and devotion, the chapel veil or mantilla is worn by a woman in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament--in the presence of the Holy of Holies, she covers her head.  Though it is a sign of reverence to God, the veil is also a reminder of the special reverence that should be paid to women. After all, it was a woman, Mary, who bore Jesus in her womb, making her a living tabernacle and a sign of God's presence to all the ages.  Thus, the veil is both a devotion, an aid to prayer, and a visible sign of femininity in the church.

We find ourselves back in a very uncomfortable place, though, because, though we might reject feminism for its goal of absolute, unqualified equality, we still might not like the idea of femininity enough to wear a doily on our head in support of it.  (Or we might not believe in God at all, which is another matter.)  The point is not the chapel veil itself--a beautiful, yet optional tradition--but whether women are happy being "just" women.  Though we might recognize the roots, biological and otherwise, of the very real differences between men and women, we might not have made our peace with these differences enough to be content with them.  Nevertheless, the point of femininity is not that men should do certain things and women should do certain other things.  The point is that being a woman is enough.

UPDATE--I just found this lovely video about the chapel veil: