4 Reasons a Date Is Just a Date

In my last post, I offered unsolicited advice to men on why and how they should ask women out on dates.  In return, I received feedback that guys are reluctant to ask because they are afraid their intentions will be misconstrued: in fact, they think some women place too much significance on a single date and they don't want to raise false expectations by directly asking for one.

Though I encourage men to reflect on how much of this line of thinking is an excuse versus a reason, at the same time women have to be accountable for our side of the equation.  If we want to have a shared understanding of the dating world, we need to get one thing clear: a date is just a date.  To that end, I have put a short list together of reasons why for the ladies:

1. You Don't Know Him
Except in the rare case in which the man who asks you out is your best friend whom you have known since childhood, you still have a lot to learn about the guy across the dinner table.  A date is simply a structured opportunity to get to know someone better.  Ladies often, and naturally, have dates with each other--and the point of these is not to pressure your acquaintance into becoming your very best friend!  Instead, the purpose is to share thoughts and feelings, to discuss past experiences and future hopes, and generally to get a glimpse into the other's worldview.  The same is true for dates with men.

2. You're Not the Only Girl He Likes
If you've gotten asked out, it's fair to assume the guy likes you.  There is no reason, however, to assume you're the only girl he likes or even the only one he's going on a date with in a given week.  In fact, that's as it should be.  He doesn't know enough about you to decide if he wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you yet--that's the whole point of dating.  Another thing to keep in mind is that he may or may not be ready to be in an exclusive relationship; you don't know that yet either.

3. He Needs to Earn Your Trust
A big reason not to over-commit early in the dating process is that you're still developing trust in this person.  You need to see how he reacts in different situations over a period of time in order to build that trust, which will be the foundation of any relationship between the two of you.  Your heart needs to stay your own until you have reasonable confidence that he both desires and is worthy of your trust.

4. All He Wants Is a Date
You have to take a man at his word when he asks you out that, actually, all he is asking for is to go out with you.  If he was asking you to marry him, saying, "Will you go out on a date with me Friday night?" would be a very poor choice of words.  Given that all he has committed to is a date, it's up to you to determine the level of physical affection you feel comfortable with, keeping in mind that too much affection too soon can often hinder rather than help you get to know the other person.

I hope my list wasn't disappointingly obvious, but even I can use the reminder at times.  It's very natural for both men and women to get excited about romance and courtship, which is all the more reason to ground ourselves in some social conventions here.  Dating may not be the perfect model, but it can certainly be a practical one.