After a recent event, I was having a conversation with a friend about how I have a tendency to sprinkle the words "my boyfriend" into conversation with other men, in order to give them a correct impression of my availability.
"You know," she said, "Some men will hear that and think, 'Challenge accepted!'" Sure enough, the next day, I received an email from a man I had danced with once during the event, asking if we could go dancing again.
This kind of behavior leaves me completely puzzled.
Since this occurrence happened within my Catholic circles, I can't really excuse it by any apparent lack of clarity in the statement, "I'm dating someone." If there isn't, there really ought to be, a shared understanding of what that means--particularly in this day and age when the general culture is so reluctant to name any kind of relationship as a "thing."
Also, I just can't imagine actively seeking out someone who has made it known that she or he is in a relationship with somebody else! It's not the first time this has happened to me, but I've never understood it. Are you trying to test my loyalty? If so, do you want me to fail the test?
In a conversation with a different friend, we discussed the phenomenon of infidelity in marriage: in real life, as opposed to in Nicholas Sparks novels, it never leads to a happy ending. As my friend put it, if you make the choice to cheat, you're lowering your standards to the kind of person who wants you to be a cheater. You're basically saying, "I want someone who is willing to put morals aside for the sake of emotional satisfaction."
It's not particularly surprising in the broader culture, I suppose, but to me it is surprising to find that approach to fidelity among Catholic friends and acquaintances. We're meant to be set apart, to be an example for others, not to tempt others to flakiness and lack of resolution, not to mention sinful behavior.
Though dating is by no means the same thing as marriage, we should support our friends who are seeking to discern through their dating relationships, just as we should support our friends discerning religious life or priesthood: rather than seeking to tempt them away from the path they have chosen, we should seek to confirm them and shelter them so that they may be free to answer God's call in their lives.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Longs Peak
Yesterday, I and a couple of friends scaled Longs Peak. Since then, many people have asked me, "How was it?" I haven't figured out a good answer to this question.
There are many things I could say, but the best way to sum it up is this: I lost my sandwich.
When I woke up yesterday at the bright and early hour of 12:15 a.m., I made myself one of the most delicious sandwiches I've ever made for a 14er hike. It was sharp cheddar cheese, cream cheese, a little butter, and some spring greens all on some crusty asiago cheese bread. Yum.
Little did I know that when I got to the summit, I would not have the appetite to eat my most wonderful sandwich. That hasn't happened before. I ate a few bites, but that was all I could manage.
Later on, descending the trail/sheer rocky face of the mountain, I tried eating some more. I think I ate about half of it or maybe a little more in all. I thought I might be able to have some later.
After what seemed like an eternity (really only fourteen hours), we got back to the trailhead. I have never been so glad to see a parking lot in my life. I reached into my pack to find the large Ziploc bag with sandwich in it, but it was gone. I had left it behind somewhere on the trail.
I guess you could say that I had an unprecedented experience yesterday: I failed to pack out my trash and wasted almost half of a perfectly good sandwich. My lack of awareness that I was doing these things says it all.
To close, here's a picture of me on the summit of Longs:
Friday, July 24, 2015
The Disingenuous Nature of Proclaiming How Happy You Are Being Single
If I read another article about how wonderful it is to dine alone, I think I'm going to puke my Chipotle burrito.
Basically, I have come to loathe any and all articles saying how great it is to be single, how you shouldn't wait to find a partner in order to have a good time, how you should buy your own fine china instead of imagining your wedding registry, how blessed you are to be unencumbered by babies, etc. The thing about these articles is that they all have important kernels of truth and are accompanied by generous helpings of self-satisfaction: live the life you have, not the one you wish you had! Seize the moment! Go buy things and take selfies!
On the other hand, they're all bullshit.
The reason this is so is because partial truth is more subtle than outright lies. In fact, there are lots of "perks" to being single. However, there is no perk so great that the ultimate unhappiness of being unmarried and without a family of your own is overcome. What I'm saying is: you're all unhappy, so just admit it.
I, for one, have given up thinking that there's something wrong with me just because at times I feel completely miserable about being single. I think this is normal, and its very normalcy is comforting. It's natural to want to have a family of your own, instead of live in a rented house, no matter how adorable, with a roommate who, though fabulous, will never substitute for a significant other.
It's completely understandable to come home from a beautiful experience of nature or an amazingly fun party with friends and feel SO VERY ALONE. It's understandable to feel alone, because you are alone.
And that's what I think our culture doesn't get anymore: objective truth is way more comforting than a bunch of touchy-feely nonsense designed to make you feel better for the moment. Sometimes, like in Inside Out, the truth is that you're sad. The truth is that it's okay to be sad.
So yeah, embrace the upsides of your single life. Don't mope. That much is obvious. But please, PLEASE don't tell me how wonderful it is to be single, how you're not waiting to get married, how you're not looking around seeing if there's anyone you can date who might even remotely work as a potential spouse.
I just don't believe you.
Basically, I have come to loathe any and all articles saying how great it is to be single, how you shouldn't wait to find a partner in order to have a good time, how you should buy your own fine china instead of imagining your wedding registry, how blessed you are to be unencumbered by babies, etc. The thing about these articles is that they all have important kernels of truth and are accompanied by generous helpings of self-satisfaction: live the life you have, not the one you wish you had! Seize the moment! Go buy things and take selfies!
On the other hand, they're all bullshit.
The reason this is so is because partial truth is more subtle than outright lies. In fact, there are lots of "perks" to being single. However, there is no perk so great that the ultimate unhappiness of being unmarried and without a family of your own is overcome. What I'm saying is: you're all unhappy, so just admit it.
I, for one, have given up thinking that there's something wrong with me just because at times I feel completely miserable about being single. I think this is normal, and its very normalcy is comforting. It's natural to want to have a family of your own, instead of live in a rented house, no matter how adorable, with a roommate who, though fabulous, will never substitute for a significant other.
It's completely understandable to come home from a beautiful experience of nature or an amazingly fun party with friends and feel SO VERY ALONE. It's understandable to feel alone, because you are alone.
And that's what I think our culture doesn't get anymore: objective truth is way more comforting than a bunch of touchy-feely nonsense designed to make you feel better for the moment. Sometimes, like in Inside Out, the truth is that you're sad. The truth is that it's okay to be sad.
So yeah, embrace the upsides of your single life. Don't mope. That much is obvious. But please, PLEASE don't tell me how wonderful it is to be single, how you're not waiting to get married, how you're not looking around seeing if there's anyone you can date who might even remotely work as a potential spouse.
I just don't believe you.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Repurpose Your Social Media
Having recently joined a fairly prominent dating website, I can't help but think what I usually think when I have buyer's remorse: "Why did I pay for something that I could get for free?"
In fact, what am I doing on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. (assuming I'm on any of these--except you all know I'm on the first one) if I'm not using them to my advantage, dating-wise?
After all, what is a dating site but a site where you make random connections with people, send them "smiles" or other basically affirming messages designed to give the other person the knowledge that, in fact, you think of them as a human being that you might actually spend time with, at least in theory?
Why not use social media for that? It's all there, at your fingertips: the ability to "like" someone's posts or pictures, send them public or private messages, comment on relevant details to their lives (at least their lives as displayed online), etc.
You could even ask someone out. It's a daring concept, I know.
Still, what do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing, because it's completely free! It's like going running, something you probably should be doing anyway, costs nothing, and basically you just need to go do it. (And some people hate running, so maybe the metaphor extends in ways that I haven't fully explored.)
I think that's all I've got for now. Carry on!
In fact, what am I doing on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. (assuming I'm on any of these--except you all know I'm on the first one) if I'm not using them to my advantage, dating-wise?
After all, what is a dating site but a site where you make random connections with people, send them "smiles" or other basically affirming messages designed to give the other person the knowledge that, in fact, you think of them as a human being that you might actually spend time with, at least in theory?
Why not use social media for that? It's all there, at your fingertips: the ability to "like" someone's posts or pictures, send them public or private messages, comment on relevant details to their lives (at least their lives as displayed online), etc.
You could even ask someone out. It's a daring concept, I know.
Still, what do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing, because it's completely free! It's like going running, something you probably should be doing anyway, costs nothing, and basically you just need to go do it. (And some people hate running, so maybe the metaphor extends in ways that I haven't fully explored.)
I think that's all I've got for now. Carry on!
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Are you being entertained?
Life is not boring. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Actually, that's true. We are constantly bombarded with media that stimulate our senses and cause us to think that the normal, slow pace of life is "boring" rather than rich with possibility. Since we cannot wait for the next exciting or amusing thing, we rush to find something to entertain us.
Sometimes when I find myself antsy, dissatisfied, apathetic, etc., I ask myself this simple question: are you being entertained? This question helps me refocus and laugh at myself. What is the purpose of my life anyway? Are the people around me brought to me for entertainment's sake? Is the work I do meant to amuse me and help me while away the hours until I die?
No!
Life has a much greater purpose than the passive, ambition-killing notion of "being entertained." I need to remember it and focus on it, rather than letting acedia have free reign in me.
Actually, that's true. We are constantly bombarded with media that stimulate our senses and cause us to think that the normal, slow pace of life is "boring" rather than rich with possibility. Since we cannot wait for the next exciting or amusing thing, we rush to find something to entertain us.
Sometimes when I find myself antsy, dissatisfied, apathetic, etc., I ask myself this simple question: are you being entertained? This question helps me refocus and laugh at myself. What is the purpose of my life anyway? Are the people around me brought to me for entertainment's sake? Is the work I do meant to amuse me and help me while away the hours until I die?
No!
Life has a much greater purpose than the passive, ambition-killing notion of "being entertained." I need to remember it and focus on it, rather than letting acedia have free reign in me.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Homophobia
You say that I trample upon your rights, and that I do it because I am homophobic. My ideas of right and wrong are no more than an invention designed to justify my interior repulsion either to you or to the acts with which you identify most.
Let's say, for a moment, that you're right. Let's leave aside thousands of years of intellectual tradition and say that the idea of an objective moral order is something I adopted simply to be able to say to you that I don't like your way of life. Why would I do it?
Why would I even bother to challenge you not to do something so clearly desirable to you? Out of some kind of ingrained mean-spiritedness? If each of our lives is only an attempt to make us happy in the present moment, what kind of sick happiness am I deriving out of this situation?
Is it because I'm just that disgusted? My life is apparently ruled by disgust. I want to go on the record and say that the idea that I am somehow motivated by disgust at the kind of sexual acts you do presupposes that I both take an interest in and actively imagine them--which I most certainly do not.
Why would I pick this moment to speak up, this moment after the Supreme Court of the United States has already answered in your favor? Just to go on record as being bigoted? Not very smart, if you know the history of bigotry and prejudice.
Shouldn't I be motivated by self-interest and self-preservation? If I'm aiming at making my life the smoothest, easiest, and most conflict-free possible, shouldn't I keep my mouth shut about this issue? It's already been decided anyway in the courts. What's the point of, once again, bringing religion into it when it's not wanted?
The point is that it's not about me, and it's not about you. The truth is very personal, but at the same time it convicts each of us equally of wrongdoing. I have done wrong in my life, committed deeds that I looked back upon with shame. This truth is personal. The wrong things I have done, however, have been done by others--and regretted by them. That is the objective side of it, the human law that is greater than any pronouncement of the Supreme Court.
The epilogue that I most want to add, and that everyone least wants to hear, is that forgiveness for the wrong things we do is REAL. Love is real. In fact, we can only find love when we face up to the truth, when we seek forgiveness for whatever acts we committed that cause us shame, admitting them but at the same time not letting them define us.
We all need forgiveness. There's no earthly exception to this rule. We need mercy, God's mercy, so desperately that we fear it is a fairy tale designed to tease us, something so bright and sparkly that people can only imagine it is real not actually receive it as a gift. It's real. At the core of reality is a love so deep that it chases us, he chases us, even into our darkest moments.
That's what I want for you--and what I want for myself. If I stand up for right and wrong, for an objective morality, it's so that all of us can measure ourselves against it and find ourselves wanting and cry out for God. That's the condition we're in and it won't change, even though the laws change. The Supreme Court can decide as it will, impersonally, but people each hurt individually. Post-abortive mothers who were told their child is just a fetus and it's perfectly legal and safe to get rid of it hurt deeply and can barely lift their eyes to God.
The law of this land may or may not match the moral order inscribed in the heart of humanity. It may not care about the pain it allows, in the name of freedom, and it does not deal out mercy for those who are affected by it. When we are alone, when we cannot hide, we need God. We can't hide behind the fronts we put up, the identities we so carefully construct for the world's sake, the webs we find ourselves tangled in and dysphoric in despite ourselves.
All of us are alone. You may marry, someone of the opposite sex, or form a now-legal union with someone of the same sex, but that doesn't change the fundamental aloneness of your being. The other person will one day die, or given the state of marriage now, leave you before then, or you may leave him or her, and then you will be alone again. This loneliness in you, and in me, also cries out for God. We cry out to be loved and not to be alone; he hears us and answers us.
We have to face it, though. If we tell ourselves there's nothing wrong, then no problem can be fixed. If we tell ourselves our deeds are good, then they cannot be forgiven. If we enshrine what pleases us into law, we will one day look around for someone not utterly broken and hurting from the unacknowledged weight of her own actions, and find that person hard to find.
Let's say, for a moment, that you're right. Let's leave aside thousands of years of intellectual tradition and say that the idea of an objective moral order is something I adopted simply to be able to say to you that I don't like your way of life. Why would I do it?
Why would I even bother to challenge you not to do something so clearly desirable to you? Out of some kind of ingrained mean-spiritedness? If each of our lives is only an attempt to make us happy in the present moment, what kind of sick happiness am I deriving out of this situation?
Is it because I'm just that disgusted? My life is apparently ruled by disgust. I want to go on the record and say that the idea that I am somehow motivated by disgust at the kind of sexual acts you do presupposes that I both take an interest in and actively imagine them--which I most certainly do not.
Why would I pick this moment to speak up, this moment after the Supreme Court of the United States has already answered in your favor? Just to go on record as being bigoted? Not very smart, if you know the history of bigotry and prejudice.
Shouldn't I be motivated by self-interest and self-preservation? If I'm aiming at making my life the smoothest, easiest, and most conflict-free possible, shouldn't I keep my mouth shut about this issue? It's already been decided anyway in the courts. What's the point of, once again, bringing religion into it when it's not wanted?
The point is that it's not about me, and it's not about you. The truth is very personal, but at the same time it convicts each of us equally of wrongdoing. I have done wrong in my life, committed deeds that I looked back upon with shame. This truth is personal. The wrong things I have done, however, have been done by others--and regretted by them. That is the objective side of it, the human law that is greater than any pronouncement of the Supreme Court.
The epilogue that I most want to add, and that everyone least wants to hear, is that forgiveness for the wrong things we do is REAL. Love is real. In fact, we can only find love when we face up to the truth, when we seek forgiveness for whatever acts we committed that cause us shame, admitting them but at the same time not letting them define us.
We all need forgiveness. There's no earthly exception to this rule. We need mercy, God's mercy, so desperately that we fear it is a fairy tale designed to tease us, something so bright and sparkly that people can only imagine it is real not actually receive it as a gift. It's real. At the core of reality is a love so deep that it chases us, he chases us, even into our darkest moments.
That's what I want for you--and what I want for myself. If I stand up for right and wrong, for an objective morality, it's so that all of us can measure ourselves against it and find ourselves wanting and cry out for God. That's the condition we're in and it won't change, even though the laws change. The Supreme Court can decide as it will, impersonally, but people each hurt individually. Post-abortive mothers who were told their child is just a fetus and it's perfectly legal and safe to get rid of it hurt deeply and can barely lift their eyes to God.
The law of this land may or may not match the moral order inscribed in the heart of humanity. It may not care about the pain it allows, in the name of freedom, and it does not deal out mercy for those who are affected by it. When we are alone, when we cannot hide, we need God. We can't hide behind the fronts we put up, the identities we so carefully construct for the world's sake, the webs we find ourselves tangled in and dysphoric in despite ourselves.
All of us are alone. You may marry, someone of the opposite sex, or form a now-legal union with someone of the same sex, but that doesn't change the fundamental aloneness of your being. The other person will one day die, or given the state of marriage now, leave you before then, or you may leave him or her, and then you will be alone again. This loneliness in you, and in me, also cries out for God. We cry out to be loved and not to be alone; he hears us and answers us.
We have to face it, though. If we tell ourselves there's nothing wrong, then no problem can be fixed. If we tell ourselves our deeds are good, then they cannot be forgiven. If we enshrine what pleases us into law, we will one day look around for someone not utterly broken and hurting from the unacknowledged weight of her own actions, and find that person hard to find.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The Dad Bod: My Take
I don't know if you've heard of this phenomenon called the "Dad Bod," but I've seen it pop up lately in various circles so it's probably time that I weigh in, no pun intended.
Basically, it seems that some women think that guys who have let the beer get the best of their bellies, so to speak, are attractive. Women finding men attractive isn't really a finding, but I guess the groundbreaking discovery is that men don't have to have perfectly chiseled bodies for women to find them attractive.
I believe that the reverse is also true: women do not have to have perfectly sculpted, toned bodies in order for men to find them attractive.
Some women have a few extra pounds, love handles, cellulite, stretch marks, etc., but some men still think they are desirable. Likewise, some men have "dad bods"; some women find them attractive too.
So a lot of men find a lot of women attractive, and a lot of women find a lot of men attractive!
Some don't. Some men work out like it's their job and find it insulting to believe that women find ordinary guys who spend their time on other pursuits and maybe aren't blessed with the best metabolism good-looking. Some women fat-shame other women--these women should stop.
In conclusion, I think we've learned a lot of important truths here, though it's hard to summarize exactly what these are. You know what they are. And that's what matters.
Basically, it seems that some women think that guys who have let the beer get the best of their bellies, so to speak, are attractive. Women finding men attractive isn't really a finding, but I guess the groundbreaking discovery is that men don't have to have perfectly chiseled bodies for women to find them attractive.
I believe that the reverse is also true: women do not have to have perfectly sculpted, toned bodies in order for men to find them attractive.
Some women have a few extra pounds, love handles, cellulite, stretch marks, etc., but some men still think they are desirable. Likewise, some men have "dad bods"; some women find them attractive too.
So a lot of men find a lot of women attractive, and a lot of women find a lot of men attractive!
Some don't. Some men work out like it's their job and find it insulting to believe that women find ordinary guys who spend their time on other pursuits and maybe aren't blessed with the best metabolism good-looking. Some women fat-shame other women--these women should stop.
In conclusion, I think we've learned a lot of important truths here, though it's hard to summarize exactly what these are. You know what they are. And that's what matters.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Quarter-Zip
One thing I don't understand is quarter-zip pullover fleeces. Why not just get a full-zip? All my best fleece jackets are full-zip. What is the point of paying top dollar if it won't even zip all the way? The only quarter-zip fleece I have now is one that I got so cheap at Old Navy, and even so I don't wear it. It is black and white and has a houndstooth pattern. I like my teal Patagonia R2 jacket waayyyyy better. And I just got a Mountain Hardwear dark purple MicroChill jacket, which is pretty sweet. Shop the sales. Get full-zip.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Gossip
“I have a gossip problem. I stir the pot. I'm a pot-stirrer.” - Shirley, Community
It's easy to have a fairly narrow definition of gossip, such that the behaviors you typically engage in fall outside it. For example, if your definition of gossip is "talking badly about someone else," then as long as you don't say anything outright malicious about another person, it's not gossip. Right?
On the other hand, taking a more broad view, why talk about someone else at all? To praise her virtue? To make fun of him? To provide helpful advice to someone in dealing with the other person? Motivation definitely matters, and it's important to stop and think before you take someone's name in vain.
What if you're not saying anything specifically about the other person, but just passing along news about what the person said, did, implied, incited, etc.? You're just passing it along, to keep everyone informed, and isn't that a good thing?
No.
No, actually it's not a good thing if what you are really doing is stirring the pot.
I work in a high school, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like if everyone, students, teachers, administration, cut out two things from their conversation, and gossip is one of them.
Do you ever have a conversation with someone who incessantly talks about other people, and you just wonder, "What is this person saying about me when I am not around?" Yeah. That's the kind of person you end up avoiding. Don't be that person.
It's easy to have a fairly narrow definition of gossip, such that the behaviors you typically engage in fall outside it. For example, if your definition of gossip is "talking badly about someone else," then as long as you don't say anything outright malicious about another person, it's not gossip. Right?
On the other hand, taking a more broad view, why talk about someone else at all? To praise her virtue? To make fun of him? To provide helpful advice to someone in dealing with the other person? Motivation definitely matters, and it's important to stop and think before you take someone's name in vain.
What if you're not saying anything specifically about the other person, but just passing along news about what the person said, did, implied, incited, etc.? You're just passing it along, to keep everyone informed, and isn't that a good thing?
No.
No, actually it's not a good thing if what you are really doing is stirring the pot.
I work in a high school, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like if everyone, students, teachers, administration, cut out two things from their conversation, and gossip is one of them.
Do you ever have a conversation with someone who incessantly talks about other people, and you just wonder, "What is this person saying about me when I am not around?" Yeah. That's the kind of person you end up avoiding. Don't be that person.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
A Scientific Explanation of Why I Never Count Calories
Counting calories makes me sad, and being sad causes weight gain!
Friday, April 17, 2015
5 Great Outside-the-Box Dates
Need some inspiration on what to do with your [potential] SO? Here are my latest and greatest ideas for the perfect date:
1. Brunch
Brunch is always fun. It's fun if you make it and fun if you go out. It's fun if you're gluten-free (eggs) and if you love the gluten (pancakes/waffles)! It's especially fun with bottomless mimosas. You get the picture. Plus, if you end up marrying this person, it's a good test run of what your Sunday afternoons will eventually be like.
2. Western Wear
The point here is not so much the destination (although line dancing/two-step places are lots of fun) but to dress like a cowboy and get your girlfriend to dress like a cowgirl. Why? Why not! You probably are both going to look hot with cowboy boots and cowboy hats on, so embrace it. Take some two-step lessons for extra style points.
3. Bicycle Tour
Go somewhere on bicycles. You can find the best local bike trail and see where it leads, or design a custom tour, on side roads, of an area of your choice. Get creative! All you need are two two-wheelers and a bright sunny day.
4. The Bank
Why not explore your favorite financial establishments? This could be a great way to start the conversation about money and your financial goals. Many marriages struggle over questions of money, so this is something you want to figure out as soon as possible!
5. April 25
It's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
1. Brunch
Brunch is always fun. It's fun if you make it and fun if you go out. It's fun if you're gluten-free (eggs) and if you love the gluten (pancakes/waffles)! It's especially fun with bottomless mimosas. You get the picture. Plus, if you end up marrying this person, it's a good test run of what your Sunday afternoons will eventually be like.
2. Western Wear
The point here is not so much the destination (although line dancing/two-step places are lots of fun) but to dress like a cowboy and get your girlfriend to dress like a cowgirl. Why? Why not! You probably are both going to look hot with cowboy boots and cowboy hats on, so embrace it. Take some two-step lessons for extra style points.
3. Bicycle Tour
Go somewhere on bicycles. You can find the best local bike trail and see where it leads, or design a custom tour, on side roads, of an area of your choice. Get creative! All you need are two two-wheelers and a bright sunny day.
4. The Bank
Why not explore your favorite financial establishments? This could be a great way to start the conversation about money and your financial goals. Many marriages struggle over questions of money, so this is something you want to figure out as soon as possible!
5. April 25
It's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Change Everything about Your Body Image with This ONE Trick!
Every day, there is a small, but confident group of women who walk through life unaware that they should really think about losing some weight. It may not occur to them to worry about an occasional blemish or even breakout. In fact, they do not always even wear makeup!
What is their secret? How can these women be so oblivious to the beauty standards they are failing to meet, so blissfully unaware of their many shortcomings when compared to, say, a Victoria's Secret model?
The answer to this question is a trick that can change your life too, a solution so simple that it is completely overlooked by the rest of society. It requires NO TIME, is completely free, and available to anyone.
Here's the secret: they spend less time looking at themselves in the mirror.
That's right, instead of scrutinizing every angle of their outfit in a full-length mirror or zooming in on blemishes in the bathroom, these women spend a minimal amount of time staring at their own reflection.
When you think about it, all it takes is a few very brief glances to ascertain whether one looks well-dressed, presentable, and ready to go--why prolong the process? The truth is that comparing yourself to others is all too easy, and too often glancing in the mirror leads to the temptation of comparing your appearance with that of others. Why do it?
It makes even less sense to spend more than a few seconds checking the mirror when you consider how little we change from one day to another, much less from one hour to the next. What are you spending so long checking? Your face is pretty much the same as it was the last time you looked (though it's a good idea to make sure there is nothing in your teeth!), and your figure is likely not much different either. Really, the only logical reason for spending a long time with your mirror is if you suffered some kind of injury or abrasion to the back of you and need the mirror to see how bad the damage is.
Join the growing number of women who, when it comes to the mirror, simply can't even. It's rumored they don't even own bathroom scales.
What is their secret? How can these women be so oblivious to the beauty standards they are failing to meet, so blissfully unaware of their many shortcomings when compared to, say, a Victoria's Secret model?
The answer to this question is a trick that can change your life too, a solution so simple that it is completely overlooked by the rest of society. It requires NO TIME, is completely free, and available to anyone.
Here's the secret: they spend less time looking at themselves in the mirror.
That's right, instead of scrutinizing every angle of their outfit in a full-length mirror or zooming in on blemishes in the bathroom, these women spend a minimal amount of time staring at their own reflection.
When you think about it, all it takes is a few very brief glances to ascertain whether one looks well-dressed, presentable, and ready to go--why prolong the process? The truth is that comparing yourself to others is all too easy, and too often glancing in the mirror leads to the temptation of comparing your appearance with that of others. Why do it?
It makes even less sense to spend more than a few seconds checking the mirror when you consider how little we change from one day to another, much less from one hour to the next. What are you spending so long checking? Your face is pretty much the same as it was the last time you looked (though it's a good idea to make sure there is nothing in your teeth!), and your figure is likely not much different either. Really, the only logical reason for spending a long time with your mirror is if you suffered some kind of injury or abrasion to the back of you and need the mirror to see how bad the damage is.
Join the growing number of women who, when it comes to the mirror, simply can't even. It's rumored they don't even own bathroom scales.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
To Fall in Love
There's been a lot of talk recently about a 20-year-old study by Dr. Arthur Aron on how to make people fall in love. My takeaway is that, if the process is one that can be quantified and chosen, at the same time it's also frighteningly easy to undertake. If merely asking probing, personal questions and making extended eye contact can do the trick, shouldn't we be a bit warier about these actions?
Monday, February 2, 2015
Thank You to God
Thank you, God, for all the little things I take for granted. Thank you for my health and the health of my family and friends. Thank you for food to eat whenever I am hungry. Thank you for a safe, cozy place to live, warmth and shelter when it is cold outside. Thank you for the gift of song. Thank you most of all for loving me so much.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Time and Relationships
The more I think about it, the more it seems time is our most valuable commodity. How a person spends his time is ultimately definitive for him, demonstrating what he finds most important in life. It's trite, but true, that you never get any of your spent time back. Once your day is gone, it's gone and never coming back.
When it comes to relationships, the value of time is even more of a stark reality. To date someone is to state, by your actions, that you find the other person worth spending time on, that it is worth investing your time into a relationship with that person. Though money may come into it, the ultimate chance you're taking is with your most valuable resource: time.
Put that way, it seems like quite a risk, doesn't it? You might spend time pursuing someone who doesn't, in the end, fit in with your life. On the other hand, you can never know if a potential relationship will work without, well, actualizing it: spending time with the other person. The moment you realize that spending time with the person is not how you want to use your time is the moment you know to end the relationship.
Speaking of the ends of relationships, there's a saying that time heals all wounds. I think this saying is misleading. What you choose to do with your time may or may not contribute toward healing. Letting time pass can certainly be a way of getting distance, but relying on time itself to do some magical healing work is silly. To heal wounds requires acceptance, reflection, prayer, and counsel--and investing time into these actions is a worthy goal. Time on its own, however, is just a vessel.
It's easy enough to say, unthinkingly, that we simply "don't have time" for everything we need to do. Maybe there's even some truth to that statement. If our time is so limited, how can we possibly hope to accomplish all the goals that seem to be within reach, to be appropriate for us? The best time-management advice I have seen says that the solution is to prioritize: to make the truly important things the ones that we first spend our time on, and then let the less-important things shake themselves out. To do that requires a deliberation on what we find most important and what our priorities truly are, rather than a reactive mode of action that has us spending time based on habit or urgency. It's difficult. I prefer to think, though, that we will always have enough time. We have time to be happy, to pray and be with God, to love and be loved, to work hard and take our rest.
When it comes to relationships, the value of time is even more of a stark reality. To date someone is to state, by your actions, that you find the other person worth spending time on, that it is worth investing your time into a relationship with that person. Though money may come into it, the ultimate chance you're taking is with your most valuable resource: time.
Put that way, it seems like quite a risk, doesn't it? You might spend time pursuing someone who doesn't, in the end, fit in with your life. On the other hand, you can never know if a potential relationship will work without, well, actualizing it: spending time with the other person. The moment you realize that spending time with the person is not how you want to use your time is the moment you know to end the relationship.
Speaking of the ends of relationships, there's a saying that time heals all wounds. I think this saying is misleading. What you choose to do with your time may or may not contribute toward healing. Letting time pass can certainly be a way of getting distance, but relying on time itself to do some magical healing work is silly. To heal wounds requires acceptance, reflection, prayer, and counsel--and investing time into these actions is a worthy goal. Time on its own, however, is just a vessel.
It's easy enough to say, unthinkingly, that we simply "don't have time" for everything we need to do. Maybe there's even some truth to that statement. If our time is so limited, how can we possibly hope to accomplish all the goals that seem to be within reach, to be appropriate for us? The best time-management advice I have seen says that the solution is to prioritize: to make the truly important things the ones that we first spend our time on, and then let the less-important things shake themselves out. To do that requires a deliberation on what we find most important and what our priorities truly are, rather than a reactive mode of action that has us spending time based on habit or urgency. It's difficult. I prefer to think, though, that we will always have enough time. We have time to be happy, to pray and be with God, to love and be loved, to work hard and take our rest.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Accolades
Well, it looks like I'm finally getting the recognition I deserve. In response to my last post, I received the following reviews for my blog:
- "S. Smith brings to the intellectual table a very peculiar style of writing, one that successfully defies all conventional guidelines of length and structure. I highly recommend investing the time reading her work. You will enjoy every second!" - S. Dashjian
- "Love it! A must read!" - P. Meert
- "You're so funny, Miss Smith!!!
- Great read!" - A. Jozefowski
I am flattered. I can safely promise to continue posting blogs that are two sentences long. After two sentences, the rest is just fluff, anyway.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
How to Find Dating Rules That Cover Absolutely Every Person and Situation
- They don't exist.
- Any other questions?
Monday, January 12, 2015
The Latin Mass for the Disenchanted
It's possible that you're missing out on something really great because you're too lazy. I'm sorry to have to put it like that, but at least now I have your attention, right? In this post, I'm going to talk about the Extraordinary Form of the Mass and why you should take the time to give it a chance (or a second chance or a third . . . you get the picture).
In a previous post, I gave a brief reflection on how to prepare to go to the Latin Mass if you are unfamiliar with it. I realize now that my prior post presupposed that you are willing to overcome that unfamiliarity. What if you don't see the point? I mean, isn't Latin fine for other people, but really not necessary and kind of dead anyway? Isn't the older form of the Mass just a throwback, whereas you are part of the current Church, relevant to modern culture, and not unhealthily nostalgic for past ages of faith? In response to these questions, here are a few of my personal reasons to approach the EF Mass:
1. It is Scriptural. I'm going to take it as a given that you appreciate the value of the Word of God in your personal prayer life. Even more so, the beauty of God's Word should have a place in your public, liturgical prayer through the prayers of the older form of the Mass. Many of these are taken directly from Scripture and provide a richness unparalleled by the newer form of the Mass, in which these prayers have been abridged, imperfectly translated, or removed altogether. If you attend the older form and, in time, follow the missal attentively, you receive a beautiful interwoven tapestry of the Word of God in Scripture and the Word of God made Flesh and sacrificed for you on the altar.
2. It is an aid to meditation. Is it easier to meditate in a loud or a quiet room? The Tridentine Mass produces an interior quiet, a secret room in which we can pray, as Our Lord instructed: "But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you." When you attend Mass, you are coming to the altar of Sacrifice, the re-presentation of Jesus' death on the Cross. It's not only "nice" to be filled with awe and wonder--it's an absolute must.
3. It is simple. That the Latin Mass is something "simple" may not instantly occur to you, as there are many outward pieces coming together that make it seem rather bewildering: a different language, the priest facing away from you, inaudible prayers, lots of kneeling, etc. After attending this form of the Mass for years, however, I can tell you that the liturgy is not the sum of all these parts. The liturgy is meant to bring that "one thing" that Our Lord said was necessary: prayer. The EF Mass allows you to see, in stark relief, that you are worshiping God Himself; there is no other reason to be there than that.
4. It is beautiful. We train and discipline our minds to pray and indeed the moment of prayer is the most important and definitive moment of our lives--a moment which is meant to last into the next life. Nevertheless, we have bodies as well as souls; we see and hear and smell and taste and touch, and these senses too are meant to be directed toward God. We have to train our whole selves to appreciate beauty, to see God in all the outward realities we experience in life. The Tridentine Mass is hugely helpful in this, not just because it provides "smells and bells," but because it combines that primary focus on prayer/meditation with suitable gestures, music, and incense, befitting the worship of God.
These are just a few reasons that you should give the "traddie" Mass a(nother) go, if you haven't already. To utterly retract my opening line, I am pretty sure you are not too lazy! On the other hand, maybe you just don't know what you're missing.
In a previous post, I gave a brief reflection on how to prepare to go to the Latin Mass if you are unfamiliar with it. I realize now that my prior post presupposed that you are willing to overcome that unfamiliarity. What if you don't see the point? I mean, isn't Latin fine for other people, but really not necessary and kind of dead anyway? Isn't the older form of the Mass just a throwback, whereas you are part of the current Church, relevant to modern culture, and not unhealthily nostalgic for past ages of faith? In response to these questions, here are a few of my personal reasons to approach the EF Mass:
1. It is Scriptural. I'm going to take it as a given that you appreciate the value of the Word of God in your personal prayer life. Even more so, the beauty of God's Word should have a place in your public, liturgical prayer through the prayers of the older form of the Mass. Many of these are taken directly from Scripture and provide a richness unparalleled by the newer form of the Mass, in which these prayers have been abridged, imperfectly translated, or removed altogether. If you attend the older form and, in time, follow the missal attentively, you receive a beautiful interwoven tapestry of the Word of God in Scripture and the Word of God made Flesh and sacrificed for you on the altar.
2. It is an aid to meditation. Is it easier to meditate in a loud or a quiet room? The Tridentine Mass produces an interior quiet, a secret room in which we can pray, as Our Lord instructed: "But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you." When you attend Mass, you are coming to the altar of Sacrifice, the re-presentation of Jesus' death on the Cross. It's not only "nice" to be filled with awe and wonder--it's an absolute must.
3. It is simple. That the Latin Mass is something "simple" may not instantly occur to you, as there are many outward pieces coming together that make it seem rather bewildering: a different language, the priest facing away from you, inaudible prayers, lots of kneeling, etc. After attending this form of the Mass for years, however, I can tell you that the liturgy is not the sum of all these parts. The liturgy is meant to bring that "one thing" that Our Lord said was necessary: prayer. The EF Mass allows you to see, in stark relief, that you are worshiping God Himself; there is no other reason to be there than that.
4. It is beautiful. We train and discipline our minds to pray and indeed the moment of prayer is the most important and definitive moment of our lives--a moment which is meant to last into the next life. Nevertheless, we have bodies as well as souls; we see and hear and smell and taste and touch, and these senses too are meant to be directed toward God. We have to train our whole selves to appreciate beauty, to see God in all the outward realities we experience in life. The Tridentine Mass is hugely helpful in this, not just because it provides "smells and bells," but because it combines that primary focus on prayer/meditation with suitable gestures, music, and incense, befitting the worship of God.
These are just a few reasons that you should give the "traddie" Mass a(nother) go, if you haven't already. To utterly retract my opening line, I am pretty sure you are not too lazy! On the other hand, maybe you just don't know what you're missing.
Who Am I?
Don't we identify mostly with our weaknesses? I think this is much more subtle than we expect. We constantly take personality tests and all too easily take their results as gospel. We develop a fixed mindset about ourselves and our personalities.
Am I extroverted? That must mean I get a pass for shallow thinking, not making time for meditation/prayer, speaking before I think, being careless, etc. Am I introverted? That means it's okay for me not to reach out to others, to spend undue time worrying rather than trusting, to focus too much on myself, etc. Even these are generalizations. We all have our particular weaknesses--but these weaknesses are not an ingrained part of our nature!
In fact, we are called to overcome weaknesses, especially the most impossible ones. The hardest things for us to do are the ones we absolutely must do, but this can only happen with God's grace. He wants to bring us to the point where we are ready to crack, where we can't bear any more, on a natural level, so that He can lift us up with His Spirit. He says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
That is how we should see ourselves, not as weak, sinful humans crystallized with our least-overcomeable traits, but as completely empty anyway. We are vessels of grace and what we can or can't do on our own is basically irrelevant. Even the achievements we are most proud of we would never have done without God. Neither will we be able to accomplish the hard things that we don't want to do without His help.
Am I extroverted? That must mean I get a pass for shallow thinking, not making time for meditation/prayer, speaking before I think, being careless, etc. Am I introverted? That means it's okay for me not to reach out to others, to spend undue time worrying rather than trusting, to focus too much on myself, etc. Even these are generalizations. We all have our particular weaknesses--but these weaknesses are not an ingrained part of our nature!
In fact, we are called to overcome weaknesses, especially the most impossible ones. The hardest things for us to do are the ones we absolutely must do, but this can only happen with God's grace. He wants to bring us to the point where we are ready to crack, where we can't bear any more, on a natural level, so that He can lift us up with His Spirit. He says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
That is how we should see ourselves, not as weak, sinful humans crystallized with our least-overcomeable traits, but as completely empty anyway. We are vessels of grace and what we can or can't do on our own is basically irrelevant. Even the achievements we are most proud of we would never have done without God. Neither will we be able to accomplish the hard things that we don't want to do without His help.
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