Not Thin

The issue is not that I'm fat. No, there are no self-hating thoughts going on here, no "agh, I look so UGLY and soooooo FAT" vain nonsense. I've never either wanted nor particularly tried to look like a twiggy supermodel, so I'm perfectly satisfied with my appearance as not in keeping with that so-called ideal. I have, however, considered for a while (since freshman year of college, wouldn't you know it!) that I'm not exactly thin. I'm not truly lean and muscular in the way I would like to be, in the way that means not just "I can fit into that dress" but "I can run five miles" or "I can swim 5000 meters" or what have you. It's a kind of thinness that's a secondary effect of physical exertion and a well-maintained eating plan. And the precise reason I do not have this type of physique is, plainly, I'm lazy. I have not bothered to do the planning, scheduling, cooking, and exercising to get to that place. I'm starting to wonder, though, if it might be time for me to grow up, get organized, and get over my psychological aversion to nutritional planning that has developed as a natural defense mechanism to the overly hyped and utterly unmaintainable diet fads that have grown around me as I have grown into an adult woman. It might be time not just to eat whatever I feel like eating, whatever is most convenient, whatever I've happened to buy this time at the grocery store, but actually something thought out and planned ahead of time; to stick with cooking things on my menu plan (well, to MAKE a menu plan to begin with) and not just bail in favor of a Chipotle burrito or tuna sandwich from the Main Street Deli; and most importantly, to get UP in the morning and work out, instead of rolling over and sleeping for another hour! I know I'd feel better, mentally, if I did all these things . . . .