You say that I trample upon your rights, and that I do it because I am homophobic. My ideas of right and wrong are no more than an invention designed to justify my interior repulsion either to you or to the acts with which you identify most.
Let's say, for a moment, that you're right. Let's leave aside thousands of years of intellectual tradition and say that the idea of an objective moral order is something I adopted simply to be able to say to you that I don't like your way of life. Why would I do it?
Why would I even bother to challenge you not to do something so clearly desirable to you? Out of some kind of ingrained mean-spiritedness? If each of our lives is only an attempt to make us happy in the present moment, what kind of sick happiness am I deriving out of this situation?
Is it because I'm just that disgusted? My life is apparently ruled by disgust. I want to go on the record and say that the idea that I am somehow motivated by disgust at the kind of sexual acts you do presupposes that I both take an interest in and actively imagine them--which I most certainly do not.
Why would I pick this moment to speak up, this moment after the Supreme Court of the United States has already answered in your favor? Just to go on record as being bigoted? Not very smart, if you know the history of bigotry and prejudice.
Shouldn't I be motivated by self-interest and self-preservation? If I'm aiming at making my life the smoothest, easiest, and most conflict-free possible, shouldn't I keep my mouth shut about this issue? It's already been decided anyway in the courts. What's the point of, once again, bringing religion into it when it's not wanted?
The point is that it's not about me, and it's not about you. The truth is very personal, but at the same time it convicts each of us equally of wrongdoing. I have done wrong in my life, committed deeds that I looked back upon with shame. This truth is personal. The wrong things I have done, however, have been done by others--and regretted by them. That is the objective side of it, the human law that is greater than any pronouncement of the Supreme Court.
The epilogue that I most want to add, and that everyone least wants to hear, is that forgiveness for the wrong things we do is REAL. Love is real. In fact, we can only find love when we face up to the truth, when we seek forgiveness for whatever acts we committed that cause us shame, admitting them but at the same time not letting them define us.
We all need forgiveness. There's no earthly exception to this rule. We need mercy, God's mercy, so desperately that we fear it is a fairy tale designed to tease us, something so bright and sparkly that people can only imagine it is real not actually receive it as a gift. It's real. At the core of reality is a love so deep that it chases us, he chases us, even into our darkest moments.
That's what I want for you--and what I want for myself. If I stand up for right and wrong, for an objective morality, it's so that all of us can measure ourselves against it and find ourselves wanting and cry out for God. That's the condition we're in and it won't change, even though the laws change. The Supreme Court can decide as it will, impersonally, but people each hurt individually. Post-abortive mothers who were told their child is just a fetus and it's perfectly legal and safe to get rid of it hurt deeply and can barely lift their eyes to God.
The law of this land may or may not match the moral order inscribed in the heart of humanity. It may not care about the pain it allows, in the name of freedom, and it does not deal out mercy for those who are affected by it. When we are alone, when we cannot hide, we need God. We can't hide behind the fronts we put up, the identities we so carefully construct for the world's sake, the webs we find ourselves tangled in and dysphoric in despite ourselves.
All of us are alone. You may marry, someone of the opposite sex, or form a now-legal union with someone of the same sex, but that doesn't change the fundamental aloneness of your being. The other person will one day die, or given the state of marriage now, leave you before then, or you may leave him or her, and then you will be alone again. This loneliness in you, and in me, also cries out for God. We cry out to be loved and not to be alone; he hears us and answers us.
We have to face it, though. If we tell ourselves there's nothing wrong, then no problem can be fixed. If we tell ourselves our deeds are good, then they cannot be forgiven. If we enshrine what pleases us into law, we will one day look around for someone not utterly broken and hurting from the unacknowledged weight of her own actions, and find that person hard to find.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The Dad Bod: My Take
I don't know if you've heard of this phenomenon called the "Dad Bod," but I've seen it pop up lately in various circles so it's probably time that I weigh in, no pun intended.
Basically, it seems that some women think that guys who have let the beer get the best of their bellies, so to speak, are attractive. Women finding men attractive isn't really a finding, but I guess the groundbreaking discovery is that men don't have to have perfectly chiseled bodies for women to find them attractive.
I believe that the reverse is also true: women do not have to have perfectly sculpted, toned bodies in order for men to find them attractive.
Some women have a few extra pounds, love handles, cellulite, stretch marks, etc., but some men still think they are desirable. Likewise, some men have "dad bods"; some women find them attractive too.
So a lot of men find a lot of women attractive, and a lot of women find a lot of men attractive!
Some don't. Some men work out like it's their job and find it insulting to believe that women find ordinary guys who spend their time on other pursuits and maybe aren't blessed with the best metabolism good-looking. Some women fat-shame other women--these women should stop.
In conclusion, I think we've learned a lot of important truths here, though it's hard to summarize exactly what these are. You know what they are. And that's what matters.
Basically, it seems that some women think that guys who have let the beer get the best of their bellies, so to speak, are attractive. Women finding men attractive isn't really a finding, but I guess the groundbreaking discovery is that men don't have to have perfectly chiseled bodies for women to find them attractive.
I believe that the reverse is also true: women do not have to have perfectly sculpted, toned bodies in order for men to find them attractive.
Some women have a few extra pounds, love handles, cellulite, stretch marks, etc., but some men still think they are desirable. Likewise, some men have "dad bods"; some women find them attractive too.
So a lot of men find a lot of women attractive, and a lot of women find a lot of men attractive!
Some don't. Some men work out like it's their job and find it insulting to believe that women find ordinary guys who spend their time on other pursuits and maybe aren't blessed with the best metabolism good-looking. Some women fat-shame other women--these women should stop.
In conclusion, I think we've learned a lot of important truths here, though it's hard to summarize exactly what these are. You know what they are. And that's what matters.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Quarter-Zip
One thing I don't understand is quarter-zip pullover fleeces. Why not just get a full-zip? All my best fleece jackets are full-zip. What is the point of paying top dollar if it won't even zip all the way? The only quarter-zip fleece I have now is one that I got so cheap at Old Navy, and even so I don't wear it. It is black and white and has a houndstooth pattern. I like my teal Patagonia R2 jacket waayyyyy better. And I just got a Mountain Hardwear dark purple MicroChill jacket, which is pretty sweet. Shop the sales. Get full-zip.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Gossip
“I have a gossip problem. I stir the pot. I'm a pot-stirrer.” - Shirley, Community
It's easy to have a fairly narrow definition of gossip, such that the behaviors you typically engage in fall outside it. For example, if your definition of gossip is "talking badly about someone else," then as long as you don't say anything outright malicious about another person, it's not gossip. Right?
On the other hand, taking a more broad view, why talk about someone else at all? To praise her virtue? To make fun of him? To provide helpful advice to someone in dealing with the other person? Motivation definitely matters, and it's important to stop and think before you take someone's name in vain.
What if you're not saying anything specifically about the other person, but just passing along news about what the person said, did, implied, incited, etc.? You're just passing it along, to keep everyone informed, and isn't that a good thing?
No.
No, actually it's not a good thing if what you are really doing is stirring the pot.
I work in a high school, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like if everyone, students, teachers, administration, cut out two things from their conversation, and gossip is one of them.
Do you ever have a conversation with someone who incessantly talks about other people, and you just wonder, "What is this person saying about me when I am not around?" Yeah. That's the kind of person you end up avoiding. Don't be that person.
It's easy to have a fairly narrow definition of gossip, such that the behaviors you typically engage in fall outside it. For example, if your definition of gossip is "talking badly about someone else," then as long as you don't say anything outright malicious about another person, it's not gossip. Right?
On the other hand, taking a more broad view, why talk about someone else at all? To praise her virtue? To make fun of him? To provide helpful advice to someone in dealing with the other person? Motivation definitely matters, and it's important to stop and think before you take someone's name in vain.
What if you're not saying anything specifically about the other person, but just passing along news about what the person said, did, implied, incited, etc.? You're just passing it along, to keep everyone informed, and isn't that a good thing?
No.
No, actually it's not a good thing if what you are really doing is stirring the pot.
I work in a high school, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like if everyone, students, teachers, administration, cut out two things from their conversation, and gossip is one of them.
Do you ever have a conversation with someone who incessantly talks about other people, and you just wonder, "What is this person saying about me when I am not around?" Yeah. That's the kind of person you end up avoiding. Don't be that person.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
A Scientific Explanation of Why I Never Count Calories
Counting calories makes me sad, and being sad causes weight gain!
Friday, April 17, 2015
5 Great Outside-the-Box Dates
Need some inspiration on what to do with your [potential] SO? Here are my latest and greatest ideas for the perfect date:
1. Brunch
Brunch is always fun. It's fun if you make it and fun if you go out. It's fun if you're gluten-free (eggs) and if you love the gluten (pancakes/waffles)! It's especially fun with bottomless mimosas. You get the picture. Plus, if you end up marrying this person, it's a good test run of what your Sunday afternoons will eventually be like.
2. Western Wear
The point here is not so much the destination (although line dancing/two-step places are lots of fun) but to dress like a cowboy and get your girlfriend to dress like a cowgirl. Why? Why not! You probably are both going to look hot with cowboy boots and cowboy hats on, so embrace it. Take some two-step lessons for extra style points.
3. Bicycle Tour
Go somewhere on bicycles. You can find the best local bike trail and see where it leads, or design a custom tour, on side roads, of an area of your choice. Get creative! All you need are two two-wheelers and a bright sunny day.
4. The Bank
Why not explore your favorite financial establishments? This could be a great way to start the conversation about money and your financial goals. Many marriages struggle over questions of money, so this is something you want to figure out as soon as possible!
5. April 25
It's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
1. Brunch
Brunch is always fun. It's fun if you make it and fun if you go out. It's fun if you're gluten-free (eggs) and if you love the gluten (pancakes/waffles)! It's especially fun with bottomless mimosas. You get the picture. Plus, if you end up marrying this person, it's a good test run of what your Sunday afternoons will eventually be like.
2. Western Wear
The point here is not so much the destination (although line dancing/two-step places are lots of fun) but to dress like a cowboy and get your girlfriend to dress like a cowgirl. Why? Why not! You probably are both going to look hot with cowboy boots and cowboy hats on, so embrace it. Take some two-step lessons for extra style points.
3. Bicycle Tour
Go somewhere on bicycles. You can find the best local bike trail and see where it leads, or design a custom tour, on side roads, of an area of your choice. Get creative! All you need are two two-wheelers and a bright sunny day.
4. The Bank
Why not explore your favorite financial establishments? This could be a great way to start the conversation about money and your financial goals. Many marriages struggle over questions of money, so this is something you want to figure out as soon as possible!
5. April 25
It's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Change Everything about Your Body Image with This ONE Trick!
Every day, there is a small, but confident group of women who walk through life unaware that they should really think about losing some weight. It may not occur to them to worry about an occasional blemish or even breakout. In fact, they do not always even wear makeup!
What is their secret? How can these women be so oblivious to the beauty standards they are failing to meet, so blissfully unaware of their many shortcomings when compared to, say, a Victoria's Secret model?
The answer to this question is a trick that can change your life too, a solution so simple that it is completely overlooked by the rest of society. It requires NO TIME, is completely free, and available to anyone.
Here's the secret: they spend less time looking at themselves in the mirror.
That's right, instead of scrutinizing every angle of their outfit in a full-length mirror or zooming in on blemishes in the bathroom, these women spend a minimal amount of time staring at their own reflection.
When you think about it, all it takes is a few very brief glances to ascertain whether one looks well-dressed, presentable, and ready to go--why prolong the process? The truth is that comparing yourself to others is all too easy, and too often glancing in the mirror leads to the temptation of comparing your appearance with that of others. Why do it?
It makes even less sense to spend more than a few seconds checking the mirror when you consider how little we change from one day to another, much less from one hour to the next. What are you spending so long checking? Your face is pretty much the same as it was the last time you looked (though it's a good idea to make sure there is nothing in your teeth!), and your figure is likely not much different either. Really, the only logical reason for spending a long time with your mirror is if you suffered some kind of injury or abrasion to the back of you and need the mirror to see how bad the damage is.
Join the growing number of women who, when it comes to the mirror, simply can't even. It's rumored they don't even own bathroom scales.
What is their secret? How can these women be so oblivious to the beauty standards they are failing to meet, so blissfully unaware of their many shortcomings when compared to, say, a Victoria's Secret model?
The answer to this question is a trick that can change your life too, a solution so simple that it is completely overlooked by the rest of society. It requires NO TIME, is completely free, and available to anyone.
Here's the secret: they spend less time looking at themselves in the mirror.
That's right, instead of scrutinizing every angle of their outfit in a full-length mirror or zooming in on blemishes in the bathroom, these women spend a minimal amount of time staring at their own reflection.
When you think about it, all it takes is a few very brief glances to ascertain whether one looks well-dressed, presentable, and ready to go--why prolong the process? The truth is that comparing yourself to others is all too easy, and too often glancing in the mirror leads to the temptation of comparing your appearance with that of others. Why do it?
It makes even less sense to spend more than a few seconds checking the mirror when you consider how little we change from one day to another, much less from one hour to the next. What are you spending so long checking? Your face is pretty much the same as it was the last time you looked (though it's a good idea to make sure there is nothing in your teeth!), and your figure is likely not much different either. Really, the only logical reason for spending a long time with your mirror is if you suffered some kind of injury or abrasion to the back of you and need the mirror to see how bad the damage is.
Join the growing number of women who, when it comes to the mirror, simply can't even. It's rumored they don't even own bathroom scales.
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